Parent trouble!

Shil’s back, and he’s aiming for your dil!!!! Nopes, he won’t stop until he’s touched you in that secret place. So sit back and enjoy few more cool fundas from your gyaan-guru!

Folks, it’s that time of year. When parents come visiting. They want you to take them to Niagara, NYC, Golden Gate, etc. They just don’t get the modern economy, yaar! Has Steve Jobs taken a day off to show his parents around??! Has Bill Gates??! Success means studying the habits of the successful people and integrate them into your own lifestyle, 24-by-7! Right??!

So is there no time for loved ones in this day and age?? Of course not! They r the one who has nurtured you and showered you many gifts. They have stayed awake at night thinking abt your future, when you were out hard-partying with the friends. Yes, they have been there when even close pals have deserted you. They have been the shoulder to cry on when life has brought you one more failure.

Brings to mind that unforgettable scene in KJKL where Saif’s father has been hospitalized with brain cancer. Few ppl will have the guts to say what Saif said. Those three powerful words. The words we sometimes say carelessly to a girl, until she leaves you in the dust. You think she is the one, the special person in your life. You watch Govinda films together, you write short stories for her, you share the last few bites of chicken chowmein with her in the college canteen. You stare at the full moon together, you make Maggi for her. Love therapy, they say. But it’s all bakwaas. And she’s gone b4 you can say “Oye?!”. And guess who has been waiting at home to comfort you??!

Mom and Pop: Niagara is nothing for what you have done, your son is ready to take you to Miami even! But don’t forget what management guru Peter Drucker has said: “Effective people are the ones who have thrown unproductive activities into the winds”. Economy is not going to stop because I am going to see Niagara! And don’t forget, we have gone to Niagara three times already! So I don’t think it has changed that much since last year! So why the fuck we should go again and again, and waste my time: you want me to be fired from the fucking job??!!!!! Just don’t get what the fucking parents want, man!!!

Some good reading

Wassup, pals! Your fav blogger has been away for only a couple of days, but you guys and gals started to feel lonely already?! LOL.

Speaking of gr8 literature, yours truly has been reading one of the gr8est! Yup, I’m talking about none other than the Harry Potter, Book 7 by Chu Chen Shih! Relax – Shil won’t leak the details of the story, I know how truly passion8 you guyz are abt this book. In fact, I got the ebook version by email two weeks before the actual release of the book! Some ppl will complain that the story is not realistic. What are British students doing studying and living in Nanjing?! And what kind of message is going out to the youngsters if the girls are only using herbal contraceptives made from green tea??!

But I just want to say how true is the description of life in the Hogwarts hostel. In KGP too, there was constant “snogging” and smooching going on, all under the nose of the authorities!! Naughty stuff, indeed, and your friend Shil is also guilty of many misdoings……!!!!!! And the late night chow mein snacks is also accurately portrayed in the book.

Recently there was a great hullabaloo when someone told the TOI that there is a “brothel” located inside the KGP campus! Guyz, this is a total misinfo!! Yes, there are a few women who are living together in a house inside the campus….is that a sin??? They are carrying on their own private activities like an honest citizen, and what is wrong with that?! And who is TOI to guess what they r up to??! Fact is, even though there are “n” number of guys for each girl at KGP, in today’s 24-by-7 lifestyle everyone can be satisfied easily. So why should we care for prostitutes……..????

Anyways: whatever! Guyz, my book and CD of the week:

On my bookshelf: Harry Potter and the Deadly Shallots, by Chu Chen Shih

In my CD player: Lady in Red, by Chris de Burgh

3 cheers for GCL

Having trouble conceptualizing my thoughts, guyz, I was out drinking and hard-partying with my office-mates last night! Did you guess the reason?? Yep, G Crew LLC has successfully completed 3 years! Many more activities are being planned this week by the management – will keep you guyz posted as things happen.

In today’s competitive arena, even the toughest of the tough are falling into pieces or being outsourced away. So to survive and flourish for 3 years is worth studying and learning from! Some cool stuffs abt G Crew LLC (or GCL, as we fondly call it):

First fact: GCL was the first online retailer in the ladies’ intimate clothing industry to cross 4.5% profit margin, which NASDAQ has called the “touchstone of success”. This at a time when industry experts were shouting “market is going down!”. Current trends are also positive and second quarter earnings in 2007 have given fitting answer to the critics.

Second fact: GCL has outsourced majority of its raw material from African countries like Ghana and Burundi, which Jeffrey Sachs has called “the poorest of the poor”. No need to say more, I guess.

Third fact: GCL has been driven to heights of success by the inspired leadership of Steven J. Dotts Jr., whose unique vision is to dress all of America in fashionable but affordable lingerie. His father is a doyen of the light-reading magazines industry and he himself is a meritorious graduate from Clemson College, a prestigious institute.

What more?!? This is simply one of the happening organizations to be working in: payscales are competitive, office vibe is friendly and career curve is definitely something to boast of. Am just glad that KGP education has led me to such a fulfillment I could never have fantasized abt!

Spammers are over the limit, yaar!

Yaar, even basic decency is vanishing from the face of our beautiful earth. Yesterday my pop got a spam email advertising big boobs! Naturally, poor man was embarrassed and offended to his dignity. And today he suffered another spam that was selling a giant penis!

Sending such cheap junk to Gen-X is ok, we are chilled out and are able to cope with it, but to send the same to our parents is violating the sacred trust we place in private sector!

The older generation are still newbies, trying to learn how to use email and access the WWW. They just want to be able to communicate with their loved ones: why torment them with this kind of utter crap! Doesn’t a spammer also have parents?! How would his pop feel if he opened an email to find a “nice pic” of a gangbang!?!

Yes, it’s true that part of my job in G Crew LLC is to send some advertising info to some potential clients by email and make sure that the email is not mistakenly landing in the client’s junk mail folder. But note carefully: this is not a spam or an email assault. This is for the genuine purpose of selling a product. I am not putting any dirty pics in the email or saying cheap things! We at G Crew LLC are selling a very reputable line of ladies’ intimate clothing, and we are a household name worldwide. Why should we go in for such shoddy tricks?!

Friendz. Plz don’t take this kind of spam lying down or the spammers will only be encouraged in their mischief. God knows what new things they are hiding up their sleeves, to give heart attacks to our moms and pops!!

Different type of party!

When ppl ask me “what is IIT KGP?” I answer “IIT KGP means Inspired, Idealistic Thinking in a Kewl Gorgeous Paradise”! These ideas are in full application in the new political party that has been formed by ex-IIT-ians, dubbed LokParitran (check out their rocking website).

Finally, a party that will inspire and not discourage masses from improving their lots in this game called life! Yaar, we needed something like this to get the youths charged up! Sadly, corruption has reared its ugly head in Indian politics again thanx to the infusion of the Italian element. When even a sober gentleman like Amitabh Bachchan has spoken out against Sonia Gandhi, do we need to say more?!

Kudos to Chandrashekhar, Tanmay and Amit for throwing away their multi-lakh salaries and working for the humanity!! What is the story behind these guyz?? They were humble folk like you and me, but they nourished a dream – a dream to make Mother India proud and praise-worthy once again. Interesting fact: all of these guyz are coming from a rural backdrop, and they are very much abreast of the suffering of the commons. They all made one good decision – they went for engineering to IIT KGP! No looking back thereafter, I guess!

Obviously, going will not be smooth for them. In this 24-by-7, fast-food, eat-and-throw economy, getting ordinary masses involved is not at all easy coz most of the ppl are working night-shift in call-centers and cannot be easily contacted. Meaning LokParitran will have to launch a strong campaign to rope in these guys, and pitch their talk to them. And why should these youths heed the advice?? They are earning much more than the poor villagers, talking in stylish accents on the phone all day, and not caring anyone! But if they can be convinced, then definitely the game is up for the crooked politicians!!

Guyz, to celebrate this event, I am holding a small fund-raising potluck on the 19^th of August in my apartment in Edison (237 Walnut Street, Apt 12). All are welcome, and moreover you are invited to bring any kind of cuisine you love. Myself am planning to make some dal makhani. The agenda is to have a small discussion on "Grassroots Movement in India", and cook up some brainstorms and good slogans for the new party. Let’s show them we are dynamic agents of change, and not bathing in our own angst, talking cynically all day and writing dirty books like Jhumpa Lahiri, just to make a fast buck!

Total soap opera in the workplace!

Friendz, I’m excited to tell you about a happening in my workplace – one of the female staff is suing the company for sexual discrimination. At last, chance to see famous American legal system at work!

Pointed question is: why is the lady complaining? Nobody knows, only she is aware of all the details of the case. But management is also being very tough. They are denying fully. So it’s going to be a warfare in the office!

Guyz, I am all in favor of women’s rights. They, too, should be given ample scope to expand and express themselves. Recently, I read in TIME MAGAZINE that Larry Summers, who is the top official in Harvard, created a great hullabaloo by exposing the women as being less able than the males. Some of the ladies in the room became dizzy on hearing the facts and had to be carried out. Yes, it was a great blow to their prestige and feeling of superiority, and naturally they reacted adversely.

But, yaar, that’s what research is abt! Getting to the bottom of the facts without caring anybody! Easily he could have found that men are more stupid than women, and I’m sure no man would be fainting in fear coz of that. The ladies are just making a big drama as usual, and pointing fingers left and right. Fact is: women may not be so good in some things, but they are very talented in other fields. Who wants to see Michael Jackson topless, but everyone wants to see Britney topless! So yes, there is discrimination, but it is very pleasant.

All you gals out there: even if Larry Summers has proved that you are not so clever as men, so what of that?! Shil will always love you!! So come on, don’t be too harsh on yourself for such a small thing!

Giving back.....

Dudettes and dudes: Shil at your service, with one more bagful of thoughts and feelings, rockin’ your world as always and bringing that joyful smile to your face where it belongs!

Yours truly has been receiving many queries asking for career advice, dating tips, whatnot! That’s right, you’ve come to the right place for being enlightened on issues that touch our lives on a 24-by-7 basis. I hope to answer a reader email every week on my blog. Rock on.

Devasish from Noida writes in to congratulate me on the ever-coolness of this blog that keeps him refreshed and also keeps him refreshing the webpage (Thanx, yaar, anytime!). Devasish is considering a career in civil engineering (Hey, that’s way kewl, dude!) but his Board marks are not so good, so is that going to be a hurdle for his dream??

Chillax, yaar! World is flat these days, and Board marks are not so much a parameter in admission decisions at reputed engg institutes. Just make sure to keep your fundas straight and keep that head cool, and you’ll be breezing through to a high-flying career! And don’t forget – it’s your parents who’ve made you what you are, and you can never repay that! The attitude is gratitude, yaar!

Best of lucks, Devasish! And guyz, don’t forget to keep those emails coming to your one and only gyaan-guru Shil!

Satisfying weekend, yaar, went on a picnic with Sumon to County Park in Edison. Relax to the max! And finally, my book and CD of the week:

In my CD player: Tera Chehra by Adnan Sami

On my bookshelf: Mein Kampf by Adolf Hitler

Even being ragged is a pleasure at KGP

Guyz, many IIT passouts have mailed me asking me to clarify that IIT-ians are not doing harsh ragging of freshers. I know that in a previous blog post I have referred to a harmless bit of fun that we sometimes have with the juniors, but let me say this: IIT ethos is very unique and does not tolerate rape or harsh torture of students.

This is a burning issue nowadays and many parents are afraid to let their children go to engineering or medical colleges in India. Very recently, there was a sad incident of ragging in Kolkata, you can read abt it here:

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/Seniors_beat_up_fresher_in_Kolkata/articleshow/2272984.cms

Sad part is that the father of the boy was also beaten up by the rowdies. But keep in mind also that the boy was dressed too stylishly and was being fresh with the seniors so all the blame cannot be given to the seniors.

As other IIT passouts can easily tell you, there are “n” number of ways that we have fun with the freshers but it is always very intellectual ragging and one needs to utilize all kinds of problem-solving skills. For example, in my first week at IIT KGP, my seniors asked me to perform a topological feat: remove my underwear but without taking off my pants! This was truly a cerebral problem, and I am proud to say that I was able to accomplish it, and of course my seniors were totally zapped.

Similarly, one of the girls in our class was asked to mathematically “prove” that she was a virgin! Although as I recall she was unsuccessful and ultimately had to prove it the hard way.

But point remains that the ragging is in friendly spirit and the mood is always jolly. As another good evidence, one of my classmates was told to replace all the bottles of hydrochloric acid in the chemistry lab with his own urine. Lucky for him, he did not have to exert himself too much, coz most of the bottles were still filled with urine because the identical ragging had been performed in the previous year.

So to shout “ragging is bad” is not right, there is also a positive side to it. If your seniors are genuine people, and want to be your friendz, then it is wise to play the game with them. One day you will thank them for it.

My love-type!

Hey guyz! How to discover your love-type?? What are the most important parameters to answer this question?? Yes, sometimes a good friend can help you out in the right direction, but in this fast-moving world scenario, people have “n” number of things to do and they cannot take the time. Thanks God for a website that scientifically analyzes your thinking and inner nature and outputs your love-type. Too good to sound real?! It’s a website called OKCUPID.

I took the test and they have correctly estimated my love-type. I am a Hornivore (RBSM)! Yaar, even I had not realized what a great flirt and girl-teaser I am, but the personality test has not been fooled by my shy exterior. Here is their description of me:

The Hornivore Random Brutal Sex Master (RBSM) Don't ever marry, you're The Hornivore. Roaming, sexual, subhuman. The Hornivores (you) are some of the most screwed up and naughty beings in the Universe. And their numbers are growing, mostly due to skipped or misused contraception. You care not. There's one thing you want, one sole need. Half manly, half bestial, you act on instinct, and animal charisma smoothes the way. It's unlikely Your exact male opposite: The Slow Dancer Deliberate Gentle Love Dreamer you're driven by much other than your own selfish, orgasmic requirements. Your appearance and personality have evolved for the hunt. Ass beckons, you oblige. For the record, you can happily bang all personality types, however your match percentages might be low with the kinder, more sensible people of the world, purely because they all wish to avoid you. Good luck to them. "One day, the villagers came with torches to the house. In the smoldering ashes, stray dogs looked for cooked flesh." AVOID: The Priss (DBLD), The Sonnet (DGLD) CONSIDER: Half-Cocked (RBSD), Genghis Khunt (RBSM) Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

Benazir ke bachche

Yaar, a state of total chaos is in full swing in our neighboring country Pakistan. The latest crisis: Benazir Bhutto is pregnant again with her umpteenth child! President Musharraf is considering declaring an emergency in Pakistan.

Dudes, it is no secret that the Pakistani People’s Party has long been referred to as the Permanently Pregnant Party thanks to Benazir’s antics. Dr. Manmohan Singh has rightly expressed his worries about her becoming the next Prime Minister of Pakistan. Once again the world will see the sight of Pakistan being run by a mad woman with twenty-five children. No doubt Pakistanis deserve such cantankerous women leaders, but from the geopolitical perspective, Osama must be clapping his hands in joy.

Guyz, I too have many Pakistani friends, and I have made it a point to treat them on equal footing with normal people. They are also humans after all, yaar. To treat them as second-class citizens is missing the point. Am confident that many of my generation will embrace this idea. Yes, they have played havoc in Kashmir and many other parts of the world and they should be brought to Justice. But Justice can only say to them: “Yes, you are the worst crackpots, but God still loves you, yaar. Go in peace!” Vanquish them with never-ending love, yaar!

One for those grey cells!

“A spaceship is traveling at 2000 miles/hour when it emerges from a wormhole in space. It is immediately trapped in a magnetic field of 2 million Tesla cast by a neutron star. What is the resultant change in temperature and angular velocity of a cup of coffee inside the spaceship?”

Nopes, this is not a rhetoric or a sci-fi. This is one of the questions in the IIT Physics Joint Entrance Examination this year. Yaar, if only we had gotten such sitters in the JEE when we took the exam! Would have totally maxed it, man!

Funny thing is, janata was actually complaining after the exam that it was too hard. Que the fuck?! I am finding the new crop of students is too overconfident, but don’t have the necessary knowledge-base to tackle such conceptual problems. Last year, when the JEE papers were leaked before the exam, janata still couldn’t solve the problems!! So guys: don’t talk big now and make “sarci” comments about this year’s exams!

My dream (long-term) is to set up quality coaching camps for JEE in poor villages. Global economy cannot be taken for granted these days, and only the most well-prepared students can stand to take full advantage of it. I have been compiling a JEE question bank over the last four years, please email me if you have any good problems!

One more rubbish book

Newsflash! Jhumpa Lahiri has written a new book called Unaccustomed Earth. The story is typical: a Bengali girl, Dolna, estranged from her second husband (an Israeli), is living in an efficiency apartment in Brooklyn. She dreams of her hometown (Santiniketan, near Calcutta) while making rotis and frying fish in mustard oil. She is a sex-worker during the night and a Dunkin Donuts employee by day. In despair, she marries one of her clients, a caring American called Tom. But Tom cannot relate to her angst and finally she runs away from him and returns to Calcutta. In the final scene of the book, Dolna is standing on the banks of the Hooghly when she has a vision of herself covered in savories and Bengali sweetmeats and lying on a funeral pyre. Tormented, she throws herself into the river and is swept away.

Yaar, this is an utter crap of a book. Even the bullshit-type serials on Star TV are better and more realistic. For example, in the last episode of Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki, the heroine Namrata is faced with a difficult choice: to revenge herself on her rival Kamalika, or to forgive her and move on with her life. The producers have handled this scene with great delicacy. Instead of portraying Namrata as an angst-ridden prostitute (as Jhumpa might have done), they show her as a traditional, loving Indian woman. Hats off to them, yaar, for showing the world what Bharatiya naari means!

I hope to God that the American public rejects Jhumpa’s book and that she is exposed as a mischief-maker. Yes, average American person is very stupid, but definitely they cannot be so gullible that they will buy any trash that she churns out. But they are also sex-mad and maybe they will fall for the mouth-watering descriptions of Dolna’s affairs with her clients. Actually, the so-called high intellectuals in America, who pretend to be reading voraciously, are only surfing through the books for this kind of spicy fare. Jhumpa is very cunningly pandering to them, but in the process, the real story of Indian angst is being given the cold shoulder.

Sunju's in a soup

Sad day for us all, yaar. Sunju has been sentenced to six years in jail (here’s the story).

It is indeed a matter to hang our heads in shame when our notable cine-stars are indulging in mischief at the national level. True, they have been brought up with silver spoons but this cannot justify their pampered existence. And yes, if Munnabhai Goes To America cannot be made, then so be it, that is the price for holding yourself over the law.

Friends, I was also like you a great Sunju-phile and I too know that an actor like Sunjay only comes along once in a hundred years, but justice is justice, otherwise chaos will erupt in the country. But who will catch the real criminals of our society, namely the politicians?! Millions of poor people are dying every day, and instead our police are chasing after the more sensational cases. I think Sonia Gandhi has killed at least fifty thousand people with her bad economic policies. Who will arrest her?! Plus, she is an Italian, and we know that Italians are not very reputable in the world community.

No doubt that many people died in the Bombay blasts, but poor Sunju became the fall guy for Dawood Ibrahim. Being simple and un-understanding, he agreed to keep the stash of weapons in his house, not knowing why. And now he is being hailed as a terrorist!

Guyz, I’m proud to say that the IIT KGP class of 2001 is sponsoring a petition to have Sunju released at once. It’s time to change the system. If we don’t take responsibility, who will?!

And we're back....

Veni, vidi, vici, folks! Denver was duly trashed by janata, I don’t think that city has ever dreamed of the kind of hard partying that we IIT-ians are used to. What didn’t we do?! Clubbing, ogling, drinking, partying….! And I gotta tell you – enjoying a private strip show with your friends is a unique bonding experience! Desis were “lapping” it up, yaar! Get it?!

It’s all about freedom, dudes. Got to hand it to the US of A. Since time immemorial, no other country has allowed the masses to express themselves in such a varied manner. The European countries are just snobs, yaar! All just big talk and bad cuisine.

Life goes on, man. Your philosopher, Shil, has returned to his daily existence. Life of a programming whiz from IIT continues. Only some of us understand what it means to be a desi in the US. Others, like Jhumpa Lahiri and co., are living in a bubble. A bubble in which chapattis and dosas are being cooked every day in tandoors by chachis and naanis. Someone has to put his hand up and tell the truth, man. Even though he may be abused from all corners, and told “shut up!” time and again.

But some select ppl will appreciate his wisdom. That’s what I live for, dudes.