Cover letter funda!

Chillax and enjoy one more racy blog post from your fav blogger, Shil, folks! This one is in response to a special request: Shrikant from Indore has emailed me asking what is the proper protocol for writing a professional cover letter with respect to a job application to a reputed organization.

From time immemorial, writing a good cover letter has been troubling many ppl. Guyz. There is no formula for success. But few tips and tricks will take you a long way. So guyz, without further ado, here is a sample cover letter that Shil has written for your benefit:

Dear Sir,

I trust this letter finds you in the pink of health. Myself am Shiladitya, recently passed out from IIT KGP, a premier and prestigious academy, with due honors.

From the day I gained consciousness to this world, I have nourished my passion for a career in management consulting. Yes, poverty has been a bitter enemy, but it has taught me things that no one can teach you in a school. Life, as they say, is the greatest teacher. Challenges have come my way, one after another, and each time I have climbed one mountain, what did I see?? Another problem staring yours truly in the face! That is why time management has been the key to my success, otherwise I would have been “clean bowled” by a few small things.

Interpersonal skills is also something that came naturally to yours truly. Whether it be chatting for hours with friends in the canteen, or having a serious dialogue with intellectuals, or even a friendly encounter with a lower-caste worker, I have always come with the same approach: It’s not about me, it’s about YOU.

Still, I feel I am not worthy of a job with your organization. The name of McKinsey is world-famous, and who am I?? Only a small person with a big dream. I have hoped high and dreamt higher. Is it enough that I have topped my class all my life, or that I have developed my all-round abilities, and have also excelled in games? No, McKinsey is something else, a name beyond excellence. I write this letter to you, not to ask for a job, but to ask that you NOT take the trouble of considering me.

Even if after reading this letter, you think good of me, I am enclosing my bio-data for your kind perusal. But I request you again to not waste your valuable time on my application. I am the person who achieves quietly, who asks for no recognition, who is happy to stay a humble person for the rest of his life, not caring anybody. But when time comes, he rises to the occasion and delivers dynamic performance. And then smiles and walks away from success.

Yours truly

Shil

Occult phenomenons!!

Warning: this post is not for the faint-hearted! Seriously, guyz, if you can't take bhootiya stories, then come back another day. Ladies, some other time, please.

Most spooky thing happened at the G-Crew staff mixer this weekend. First, some background info on the mixer. Following recent promotion to managerial role, yours truly initialized this social mixer so that tech and non-tech staff can meet in informal setting. This mixing adds 4 stars to work-life balance, yaar! You won't be surprised to hear that your pal Shils got a pat on the back for this idea from Steve.

Steve who, you ask? Stephen Dotts Jr., the boss. All on first-name terms now, of course.

Anyways, this mixer was at Ted our Sales Manager's place. Jazzy crib, yaar! 5 bed palace in the posh suburb of Knob Hill. Ted's done well, but guyz, strange are the ways of God. Took his beautiful wife from him 7 years back.

To get back to story, party's swinging, Shils is having deep discussion on art films with Melanie, when all of sudden Manojit's 7 yr old daughter Ramona shrieks "Poochie!" and runs into Ted's arms. Guyz, I know you are thinking, so what? But here's the killer: Poochie was the nickname Ted's long-dead wife had given him. Now do I need to say that Ted looked totally stunned.

And then, Ramona proceeded to take us all on a guided tour of the house. Guyz, she knew the bungalow like I know KGP campus. She knew the combination to the safe and the drawers where Ted kept all their leather garments (left over from some fancy dress party, I think). Janata was speechless.

American public couldn't understand what hell was going on, but a desi knows reincarnation when he sees it. Weight of evidence was so strong that Ted was convinced and is now sponsoring Ramona's education (with binding agreement to marry him once she's of age, provided he's not found someone else).

Friendz, even though I am well-educated, and no doubt so you are, we have to accept that supernatural is all around us. I pray daily for God's blessing- thanking him I was not born retarded or low-caste- and so should you.

Upwardly moving desi

Friendz! This is a very special post, coz I want to share with you all peeps this maha-fundu news about workplace. Yep, you guessed it right- your man Shils has cracked the internal job market!! Say congrats to G-Crew's new Technical Support Team Leader.

And for those of you who are jealous and saying, "So what? Company like G Crew is not having a top-notch tech support team anyway", I have this to say - how many of you are moving into Management line so soon? Well-wishers will agree that this is paradigm shift in career path.

Doston, you are thinking, this Shil is a real mastermind, here he is writing so-called honest and informative blog every day and not a mention of job strategy! That is not because I was hiding the situation, but because I was lying to myself. I was telling myself I was happy with job, but inside I was burning with ambition. I did not tell this, but even in Jacuzzi party, there was a separate pool for tech staff. And the snacks for us were mostly veg, with only soft drinks. The boss's fat daughter Melanie was the only white chick who even said hi to us desis. I tell you, friendz, your Shil had swallowed many insults in job but what I had to swallow when Dotts Sr. grabbed me was too much. I told myself- so far I have been like Nargis in Mother India but now I will be like Big B in Muqaddar Ka Sikander.

Next day, I stormed into top floor, banged my fist on Stephen Dott Jr's reception desk, and know what, guyz? I promptly got appointment for next to next Monday. No kidding.

When the day came, was Shils nervous? No sir, I had been watching Rakhi Sawant on Koffee with Karan and had picked up her technique. Basically, I told Dotts "What do you think, you are doing me a favor? Go hell! I have exit options. Market for C++ is booming. Not to mention my SAP skills, always in demand. And with my 2-yr experience of intimate apparel industry, I am a very high-value proposition in job market."

Well, folks, you already know what happened next. Your buddy Shils has now entered a new phase of job life. With your blessings, a fulfilling career is no longer a distant dream.

No doubt, some of you are worrying that now Shils will forget his readers. C'mon, yaars, now I will bring expose of party-hard, work-hard management life to you peeps. But maybe not as regularly as before - after all, try to understand pressures of responsible position.

"Will to succeed and succeed you will!"
Dale Carnegie, 1888-1955

It's Shil, bitch!

Hey, babies! How’re y’all feelin’ t’day??! Your smooth lover Shil is back, so put away those frowns!

Yes, world situation is worsening day by day: a country called Greece has been burnt in a big fire, children are being forced into being child-soldiers in Africa and many other happenin’ events are causing world misery. But the silver lining is also there: Britney is back! Yes, she has successfully come out of rehab and is singing some good tunes and wearing some dirty clothes. She has once again wowed the critics with a professional performance at the MTV Awards function. Kudos to her for proving that she is still a force to be reckoned in the industry!

That’s the thing about true class – it always bounces back. Like Abhishek. Many critics wrote him off after his dull performance in Chamak. Even the public gave a very lukewarm response to some of his outings like Dhritimaan and 24-by-7 Bhangra. But like his father, he put in lot of effort and became more determined to succeed. And the result?? Super-duper-blockbuster Tere Liye. Before Tere Liye, there was always a doubt abt him. Ppl were saying that he was only popular with the chicks. But now he has given a fitting answer to those ppl who denigrated his success simply coz they were jealous of his ambitions.

Same is true of Barack Obama. As he explains in his book called The Audacity of Hope (a truly gr8 novel), he was born very poor and uneducated, but by dint of hard work and respect towards his seniors he was able to come to the top. Yes, he was not born white, but so what of that?! Like many other black ppl he could have turned to drugs, but instead he went in for distance diploma in home economics. Now he has money to buy as much drugs as he wants and also distribute some to the needy. Kudos!

Jacuzzle my crackuzzle

Dudes and dudettes!!! Your pal Shil has just been to a happenin’ party that went down in the boss’ palace, if you nizzles shizzle my drizzle! That’s right, Stephen J Dotts Jr, CEO and mastermind behind G Crew LLC threw a lavish party last night at his very own crib! Many local celebs were also in attendance.

Guyz. SJDJ lives the kind of life that many ordinary ppl can only imagine. Even the latrines in his house are very well decorated and artistic! And there is a huge jacuzzi! I had not brought any swimming shorts, but after much encouragement from the ppl, yours truly stepped in wearing his briefs. Gotta tell you, guyz – the pecs and the chest hair created a sensation!

SJDJ’s daughter, Melanie, was sitting next to me in the tub, and I was able to have a deep conversation with her. She is not the average American nympho – she has attended college in George Washington University, and she is very up-to-date with the latest facts on many subjects. She is very interested in Indian food, so I told her a few secret recipes from my mom!!!

Then a very unpleasant incident happened that I am shocked to say. I was fondled by an old man in the jac!!!! No doubt that he too had been eyeing me for a long time, and suddenly I felt his hand on my thigh! That such things can happen in public was just too unbelievable!!!!!! I quickly tried to escape from the jac, but he was holding on to my briefs!!!!!! Guyz: I panicked. Started shouting all kinds of things like “homo” and “rape!”. Then there was a shocked silence in the room. Guess what?! He was none other than Stephen J Dotts Sr.!!!! Many ppl quickly climbed out of the jacuzzi, and I heard later that he had also tried for some of them.

Poor Melanie! She was very tearful, but I said to her “So what if your grandfather is a homo? Does that mean you’re a lesbian??!” She was very touched by my words. She has invited me to their house anytime for coffee and philosophical discussion. Of course, I will try and go when her homo relatives are not around, Shil is not safe around them.