Kicking it Old School

For those of you not familiar with the educational landscape of Kolkata, I need only say that one institution stands alone like a Rakshash surveying the wreckage. No prizes for guessing, it is indeed La Martiniere for Boys (La Marts!!!). Pls don’t confuse us with our “sister” school La Martiniere for Girls, which is mainly a training ground for prostitutes. I look back on my school days and say thanks to God that I did not get “hooked” by those loose women from LMG who were always hanging around outside our school gates and constantly chewing gum. And where are they now?! In some clinic somewhere, getting treated for who knows what.

I was honored to be asked to give the opening speech at the La Marts Alumni Reunion (sponsored by Lehar Mirinda and Top Ramen) this year.

My speech was entitled “Sacrifice is the Middle Name of Success”. Some ppl like to give very philosophical-type speeches, thinking that they will get the chicks thereby . Not yours truly. I prefer to give practical info that may matter to the common ppl. For example, many students think that doing Agrawal courses alone will get you through IIT-JEE. Fact is, the successful student is one who does both Brilliant Tutorials as well as Agrawal. This is because Agrawal courses give a good grounding in organic chemistry, but Brilliant is better for physics, so it is ideal to combine them. Some ppl have recently been touting Sachdeva Tutorials, but in my opinion they are an utter crap.

I disclosed many more useful fundas and janata was taking notes left, right and center. Finally, I invited questions from the audience. Someone threw a googlie at me: “Shil, what is the optimal work-life balance in this global village?”

I told him, “Look, I believe in work hard, party hard. You have to compete for good jobs as well as good girls. The Chinese are taking away the good jobs, but luckily they are bombing with the chicks for reasons that I don’t want to go into here. But there are two major threats: White guys going for desi chicks and desi chicks going for Mexicans. Playing field is now flat, so desi guys have to take their game to the next level. I think if we try, we can successfully go for the goris. Many of them are extremely bored nymphos who are looking for something different, and I think we are well-placed to cater to that crowd.”

I have been invited to come again next year and present a slide-show and explain detailed strategies for getting white chicks. Am pumped to be a game-changer for desis struggling to escape poverty.